


hi nisha we're reading rhack fics

by Jackalsprite



Category: Borderlands (Video Games)
Genre: M/M, rhack - Freeform
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-06-26
Updated: 2019-06-30
Packaged: 2020-05-19 23:09:02
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 1,137
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19365622
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Jackalsprite/pseuds/Jackalsprite
Summary: rhack is hot





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> i wwunt jack 2 fuc rees so good

Rhys the megatwink was walking through the halls of Hyperion (™)(c)(™) on his way to a meeting with someone idk who im lazy XD he was so wrapped up in his thoughts. He couldn’t stop thinking about how much of a fuckin hunk his boss was. Handsome Jack was dreamy, but he was also a dangerous cycle path with a history of violence. But he was a goddamn heartthrob oh my god jack come fuck this my bussy open for business. Rhys was so caught up in his day dreams that he didn’t notice who was in front of him until he ran face first into a BROAD CHESt. Jack looked down and then looked really angry for a second but then he smirked as he grinned and said.

“Hey watch where your going okay cupcake?” 

He winked at the twink(ed) and rhys blushu >w<

“O-okay s-s-s-sir jack senpai” 

Jakc looked at rhys and said 

 

“What the fuck does senpai mean i don’t speak russian but its cool im not mad because im thirsty and completely distorded from the source material. And nisha is dead so i aint got no puss.” 

And rhys gaspsed his eyes wide with shock. Handsome Jakc?? Not having puss?? That was unacceptable, that was a crime of the highest calliber. And he internally hoped that he could be that puss for jack because he was so in love with this man who had about as much emotional capacity as a grape. 

“That’s awful.” said rhys “I hope you find puss soon fam” 

And jack chuckled cryptically 

“If you come up to my office with me rhysie i wil find that puss lmao” 

And rhys said

“How the fuck do you know my name i didn’t tell it to you but i too am thirsty and the author wants to fuck handsome jack so they choose to live out their fantasies through me by completely erasing any personality i have at all.” and he smiles and blushes 

And handsome jack grabs him bridal xd so romantic and naruto runs up to his office. 

Jack may be more of an incel than a chad but rhys is def a virgin lol xd and he acts like an anime twink and goes “nya” out of surprise bc thsta what anime character do right lmao the yaoiz?? XD  
\--- Le Time Skip --- 

Jakc YEETS rhys onto his desk and whips his fat dick out and says

“Find my viagra its in one pf my drawers here lol im sorry im kinda old as fuck but people who write fics like this seem to think that a man in his mid fourties can keep nutting after they already bust a fat one lol” 

And rhys says 

“Oh but jack, this is a fanfiction sir everyone has unrealistic sexual abilities i came 67 time already and i’m fine.” 

And jack says “good point” and he laufhs and puts his dick in rhys bootyhole 

Rhys says “yNHGDFH” and jack does too. They say this at the same time some how and jack manages to not chafe his pingie somehow on rhys’ dry ass booty but rhys starts vleeding they didnt use lube ): but its okay because jack thinks its realy hot and rhys is like ‘whatever works for you works for me because i basically live to bang you in these fics and serve no other plot related purpose.” 

jack nuts immediately because he aint had puss in a long time but even if he had he would have been mediocre at best lol. 

But according to fanfiction law, both characters have to nut at the same time so rhys does too and its the best nut hes ever had in his whole life same for jack

Jack pulls his dick out and rhys goes “AEK” bc that shit dry as fuvck still and he thinks about how he gon need some fuckin vasceline bc his ass hurt lmao 

Jack looks lovingly at rhys and says “please marry me i have never met anyone as wonderful as you and i want to spend the rest of my life with you rhysie” and rhys says “omg yes but idk how you know my name again because i never told you that but that doesn’t matter lol” 

Jakc and rhys start crying and hugging bc theyre so happy but then rhys stops and says “wait… did you use a condom” and jack says “no???” and rhys screams “JACK !!!!!! I COULD BE PREGNA NT!!” AND JACK FUCKING LOSES IT 

“IM GONNA BE A FATHER????” 

Rhys says

“Maybe i havent taken birth control in years” and jack screams again  
“BUT YOURE A MAN??? THAT ISNT BIOLOGICALLYU POSSIBLE” 

But rhys sakes head sadly and sayas “oh jack, in fanfiction anything is possible. Except for us being in character” 

And jack nods pensively “tru” 

_____ le time skip ____________

 

Rhys smiled at his bf and jack smiled back but he seemed distand…. What was happened… 

Rhys ended up going to work but when he came home he shidded 

There was nisha ! gasp! Rhys watched as jack smooched his gf right in front f him 

Rhys said “jack…” and jack said “stop” and pulled away from nisha who was honestly just fuckin amused 

Rhys ran out of the room crying and jack though about running after him for a second but then rememberd that he was straight and ythat rhys was prengan and he realized that he don’t wanna pay child support agaoin.


	2. you guys are icons

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> drama............

Jack was walking down the street with nisha when he caight scent of rhys.... he was in heat... jack said "ruh roh raggy" and nisha had to grab huis leash and keep him from humping rhys. 

rhys said "hi jack i want that knot" and jack said "ill give u a knot lol" and he fucks rhys and nisha says "really? in front of my salad?" and leaves 

jack knots rhys and rhys gets pregnat


	3. Viagra

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jack peepee old and musty

Jack found Rhys in his bed all curled up and sleeping it was so cute he looked like a cliche anime twink and it make jacks heart go doki doki!!1! 

Jack sighs happily and then rhys wakes up anf says "please fuck me daddy jack" and jack says

"Aight fam," 

So he starts stroking his MASSIVE COCK but to no avail; he has erectile dysfunction...because he is old, and his dick juice prolly all got squirted out bc rhys is always a thotty in these fics.

A poof of dust and cobwebs comes from his peepee

Jack is mad. WHY WONT HIS @DICK WORK

he furrows his brows and look s at rhys in frustration 

"Find me some viagra ok cupcake???"

But rhys blesses him with da powah of infinite unrealistic boner powers and he fucks rhys many times until his nuts shrivel up. The end.


End file.
